He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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