Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
