So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize