Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
