ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
