the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
