We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
