do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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