wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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