when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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