Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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