i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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