Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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