I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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