are you still at the devil's house?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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