I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
