New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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