I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
