i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
