you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
