Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
