Is it because I queefed?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
