you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
