I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
