if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
