I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
