i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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