They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
