I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
