I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
