I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
