I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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