There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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