I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
