Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
