my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize