If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
