in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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