ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i dont even know how to be here
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
