you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ttyl tear gas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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