I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
