please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
