I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well you can't waste a boner
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
