who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
