My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
