I wanna passion pit in your ass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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