what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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