and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
