if you like me you must not know who I am
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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