you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
