so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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