i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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