i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
