it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is my gift to your gina
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
