So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
