I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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