You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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