I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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