You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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