I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
