my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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